Mountain Man's Accidental Baby Daughter (A Mountain Man's Baby Romance) Read online

  “You were out on a four-wheeler, driving someone down the hiking trail. The woman had twisted her leg. You lost control when the four-wheeler hit a rock and it rolled. It pinned you against a rock.”

  I shivered. “Is she okay? The woman?”

  Dr. Osmond looked surprised. “She’s fine. She was in here to have her leg looked at, but other than that and a few scrapes, she’s fine. She flew off the four-wheeler when you hit the rock, she said. She saw you go down the mountainside. She was the one that called 9-1-1.”

  I nodded. I still felt numb. I could imagine what had happened. I knew the mountain, and I knew my four-wheeler. But I couldn’t remember anything. All I knew was that I was in the hospital now with a busted leg and a brain that wouldn’t serve me the way it used to.

  “I have to go,” Dr. Osmond said. “But the nurses are on call if you need anything.”

  I nodded. I had nothing else I could say to him, anyway. When the doctor and the nurses left, I was alone with the woman again. She sat on the edge of my bed.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “For what?”

  “I don’t know who you are.”

  Tears rolled over her cheeks. God, I wish I knew who she was. Not only to stop her from being so damn sad, but she looked like someone I would want to know. She was strikingly beautiful, and there was something reserved about her – something that made me want to pull her out of her shell.

  “I’m sure it will come back,” I said.

  “I’m sure it will.”

  She didn’t sound like she believed me any more than I did.

  “I’ll let you rest,” she said, patting my good leg. The gesture was kind but careful like she knew I didn’t know who she was, and she wasn’t going to force whatever we were to each other on me. It was oddly considerate, seeing that she had lost more than I had. I couldn’t remember, so I didn’t feel like I had lost anything.

  But she could remember it all. I wanted to know what it was, but she stood and walked to the door. She was still crying, and I didn’t have the heart to make her stay in this agony.

  Chapter 17

  Fiona

  I woke up in my own bed the next morning with a heavy weight pressing down on me. I didn’t feel like I could face the day. I had dreamed about him. My whole night had been filled with images of him. Memories of the time we had spent that had made me feel warm and fuzzy with happiness. And dreams where he didn’t know who I was and no matter how long I fought, he didn’t care to get to know me again. He didn’t want me. I knew they were only dreams, but I felt horrible. All I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry.

  It was a big mess. Laird didn’t know who I was. He had lost a little less than a year, which wasn’t a lot when it came to memory loss, Dr. Osmond had told me. Some patients can’t even remember who they are. But he didn’t know me, and that made it the worst possible thing that could have happened.

  We had only spent two weekends together. Of course, I would be the first one he would forget. Why would he remember me? Before the accident, when I had told him about the baby, he had been serious about making it work between us. But ultimately, all we had had until now was a lot of good sex. We hadn’t gotten to know each other in a way that made me memorable to him. He had said he was in love with me but love itself? It was only susceptible to what he remembered.

  And he didn’t remember me at all.

  Tears welled up in my eyes, but I forced them away. I was sick of crying. I had cried so much since I had heard that Laird had been in an accident.

  I put my hand on my belly. A baby grew inside of me. Our baby. And Laird didn’t know. It had been hard enough telling him when he had known who I was and what we had done. It would be impossible to tell him now. I was barely three weeks along.

  What was I going to do? Was I going to wait for him to remember? That could take a long time. If it ever happened. What if I waited for him forever and nothing happened? I didn’t know if I had what that took, to hold out hope for something that would never come.

  But the flipside was to move on with my life, to be a single mother, to forget about Laird and do what was right for the baby and me. I was keeping the baby, now more than ever. If he never remembered me and we never ended up together, I would at least have a piece of Laird to keep with me, always. But I was terrified. He had said we would make a go of it, and I had been happy to try together. A child needed two parents.

  I didn’t know if I could do it alone.

  I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower where I stood under scalding hot water until it ran out. When I stepped out of the shower, the entire bathroom was fogged up and I had to wipe down the mirror to see myself. My eyes were dull, and I didn’t want to make an effort. I didn’t want to dress up and step out into the world.

  But if Laird never remembered me, this was my life. I had to make a go of it now or I never would.

  I dried and styled my hair, applied makeup, dressed. I ate breakfast, and I made my way to work, going through my entire routine on autopilot.

  When I was in the office, it was hard to get to work. I struggled to focus on what needed to be done.

  Charlene called me in at lunchtime.

  “Are you alright?” she asked.

  Was it that obvious that something was wrong? I had hoped I’d been putting on a face in front of the others.

  “I’m worried,” I said. I hesitated before I added, “a friend of mine was in a bad accident.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” Charlene said. “I hope this won’t affect your work. I’m not usually a slave driver, but with you working remotely starting next week, I really need your all this week.”

  I nodded, but I wanted to cry again. I didn’t know if I would still be working remotely anymore. I didn’t know if anything would change for me now that Laird didn’t know who I was.

  But I didn’t tell Charlene that. I was still holding out hope. I was still waiting for a miracle. I didn’t think it was going to happen, but I needed to hold onto something. To tell Charlene now that I wasn’t going to happen anymore was admitting defeat, and I wasn’t ready for that, yet.

  “It won’t affect my work,” I said, reassuring Charlene. “I’ll push this week to make sure everything you need is taken care of.”

  “Thank you,” Charlene said. “I am sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time.”

  If only she knew. I didn’t get the feeling she was worried about me, more about the workload. But the company was Charlene’s concern, and I understood it.

  When I returned to my office, Jamie was there waiting for me. She looked concerned, and her worry was welcome. Charlene had been worried about my work, but I knew Jamie was concerned about me as her friend.

  “What happened?” she asked. “Did he dump you?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t want to talk about it now if you don’t mind,” I said. I was on the verge of tears and if I broke down now, I wouldn’t be able to get through the rest of the day.

  Jamie pulled me into a hug. “I’m here whenever you need me. Just shout.”

  I nodded, letting Jamie hug me for a while. Finally, she let go and left my office, getting back to work. I had to do the same.

  Somehow, I made it through the day. I was like a zombie, pushing through my work, but I managed to get it all done, and I left the office not much later than usual. I was grateful that Randy hadn’t decided to stop by. I wouldn’t have had what it took to deal with him on top of everything else.

  When I sat in my car, I connected my phone to the Bluetooth system and scrolled down to Jackson’s number. I wanted to go see Laird, but I didn’t know if I had the energy to see a man who didn’t know who I was when I had fallen for him. We had had a future together that he knew nothing about. It was hard enough to deal with this without being reminded.

  But I wanted to go in case he did remember. What if by being there I would help him remember who I was?

  I pressed call on Jackson’s number an
d waited for him to answer. It took so long I was worried I would get his voicemail, but finally, he answered.

  “It’s Fiona,” I said. “How is he doing?”

  “Very much the same,” Jackson said. My heart sank. “The pain medication knocks him pretty hard.”

  “Has he remembered anything?”

  “Nothing, yet,” Jackson said carefully. We were both dancing around the real question, the question if he remembered me.

  “Thank you,” I said. “Is it alright if I check in with you again tomorrow? I don’t want to be a nuisance.”

  “Not at all, you’re more than welcome to,” Jackson said with a gentle voice. I nodded, feeling like I was going to cry again. With a voice that sounded a lot steadier than I felt, I said good night and hung up.

  I wasn’t going to go through to the hospital to see Laird if he was still on heavy medication. I needed to take the time to come to terms with what had happened and to figure out how the hell I was going to get through this and move on with my life. With or without Laird.

  When I arrived home, I didn’t bother making dinner. I had lost my appetite. I changed into pajamas and crawled into bed, pulling the covers up to my chin. In the dark, alone in my bed, with the weight of the world on my shoulders and the knowledge that I had been forgotten like a knife in my ribs, I let myself fall apart.

  Chapter 18

  Laird

  When I woke up, I knew where I was. It was a nice change from yesterday when I had been panicked and worried. I hadn’t remembered how I had ended up in the hospital but this time, I knew. I didn’t remember the accident, but I knew about it.

  It didn’t make things a hell of a lot better. I still felt like I had a horrible black hole in the middle of my life that had sucked up things I should have known. It wasn’t only because I had been told that I had memory loss. I could feel the pressure of the darkness in my mind, the things that fought to get out but couldn’t.

  I reached over to the nightstand for the cup of water and found that it was empty.

  “Here, let me,” someone said, and I looked up. A woman stood up from the armchair and took the cup, filling it in the basin in the corner for me. I didn’t recognize her, either, but she looked vaguely familiar.

  “Who are you?” I asked.

  Her face softened, and she looked sad.

  “My name is Hilda,” she said. “We are friends. We work at the lodge together.”

  “You’re new?” I asked.

  “I’ve worked there for the past year.”

  I sighed. “I’m sorry. That part is a bit hazy.”

  A bit hazy was an understatement. It was lost.

  “Don’t be,” Hilda said smiling. I could see how I might be friends with her, but I was also aware of how much I didn’t feel when I saw her. It was nothing like with the redhead who I had had such a strong attraction to, even though I knew nothing about her.

  “How are you feeling?” Hilda asked.

  “Angry,” I admitted. “I hate not knowing things.”

  “That’s understandable,” she said. We sat in awkward silence for a while. I didn’t want to ask about our friendship, and I had nothing to say to a woman I didn’t know.

  “Jackson will be back soon. He went to get coffee from the cafeteria.”

  I knew Jackson. I had been friends with him since I had started working at the lodge two years ago. Three years, if what everyone else told me was real.

  “Is there anything I can get you?” Hilda asked when I didn’t answer.

  “Can I ask you a question?” I asked.

  Hilda nodded slowly.

  “Do I have a wife or a girlfriend?”

  “There was someone, but she was quite new. You didn’t tell me much about her, only that you couldn’t stop thinking about her. I don’t even know her name. But Jackson might.”

  I thought about the redhead that had been crying next to my bed yesterday. I wondered if it was her. If what I had felt for her was any indication, it could be her.

  Jackson walked into the room and grinned at me.

  “Hello, sleeping beauty,” he said. “Have a nice nap?”

  Thank God, he was acting normal toward me. I couldn’t stand how everyone was crying and being sympathetic and acting like I would break when they looked at me. Jackson walked to me with a cup of coffee, and I took it from him. I sipped it and moaned.

  “You have no idea how good this tastes.”

  Hilda cleared her throat. “I think I’ll leave you two to it.”

  Jackson looked at her, questions on his face, and she shook her head. This was what I hated. Everyone seemed to think I couldn’t pick up on the cues, that just because I couldn’t remember I was suddenly stupid. When she was gone, Jackson turned to me.

  “I’m not dead, you know,” I said.

  “Yeah, luckily. That was a hell of a fall.”

  “I heard. But don’t act like I’m gone already.”

  “Sorry,” Jackson said. “It’s hard, you know? A lot of people are worried about you. I was scared you wouldn’t make it. I was first to see you when I saw the paramedics go up. I followed them. I had never seen so much blood.”

  “That’s saying something, considering what we see every day,” I said.

  Jackson nodded. “My point exactly.”

  We sat in silence for a while, sipping our coffee together, and it was like it always was. Comfortable and familiar. I valued that familiarity so much more now that I knew what it was for so many things to seem foreign.

  “I talked to Hilda. That was her name right?”

  “Right.”

  “What does she do?”

  “She’s the bartender at the lodge. You had a thing with her for a while but nothing serious. Just fucking.”

  I chuckled. “Sounds like me. What about the other one?”

  Jackson’s face lit up. “You remember?”

  I shook my head. “No, Hilda mentioned something when I asked if I had a wife or a girlfriend. Who is she?”

  Jackson’s face fell, and I could fully relate to his disappointment. It was what I felt every time I opened my eyes and everything was still the same.

  “Fiona,” he said.

  “A redhead?”

  He nodded. “She was here with you since they brought you in. She wouldn’t leave your side.”

  “She sounds like she cares.”

  “She does.”

  We fell back into silence. I tried to remember who she was. The name sounded like it should be familiar, but it wasn’t. I wished I could remember something about her, anything.

  “How serious was it?” I asked.

  Jackson hesitated. “You didn’t know her for very long.”

  Why did I feel like it was serious, then? When it obviously hadn’t been? Her reaction when I had woken up, the tears in her eyes, suggested that it had been serious. But Jackson didn’t make it sound like it was.

  “How long?” I asked.

  “Three weeks or so.”

  That hadn’t been long at all. It made sense why I didn’t know who she was, then.

  I still wished I did, though.

  We talked about other things. I asked about the lodge, about what Jackson needed to do to pick up the slack now that I wasn’t available for a while. He told me about the four-wheeler.

  “There’s no way we’re getting that thing fixed. The engine flooded and the axel is fucked. It’s cheaper to get a new one. You officially wrote off a four-wheeler.”

  I chuckled. “And everyone thought you would be the first one to fuck it up.”

  We laughed together. Everyone had commented on how well I could ride, and we had a running joke about how Jackson compared.

  It felt good to talk and laugh about everything I knew and remembered.

  “We have a shitty group of hikers today,” Jackson said. “I have to babysit them later. Charlie said he doesn’t think he can handle them alone.”

  “Why, what are they like?” I asked. We always talked ab
out the clients, joking about how nice or how horrible they were.

  “It’s a group of celebrities from some reality show. We have to host their camera crew as well, and you know how stupid they get because they think they’re the shit.”

  I laughed. “I can’t say I’m sad to miss that.”

  “Well, I am. Charlie would have asked you to go with him, not me. I think he’s just as sad.”

  We laughed again. When we were done, Jackson rubbed his palms on his jeans and looked at the floor. He looked like he wanted to say something.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  Jackson shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

  “Come on, man. If you think it will help?” The conversation had been light, and we had pretended everything was fine. But it wasn’t fine, and we were back to being serious.

  “I don’t think it will,” he said. “I think that I shouldn’t bombard you with facts about the past year. A lot has happened, and there’s no reason for you to panic about what you don’t know. Get rest, get better and we’ll figure it out step by step. There’s no rush.”

  I nodded. “Thanks, man.” It was great to have a friend like Jackson – not only was it someone I knew, but it was someone I could lean on and trust for support. I knew Jackson had my back.

  Not long after, Jackson left. He told me he would be back again the next day. I tried to roll onto my side, maneuvering my leg so I could be comfortable with the cast. When I finally managed to find a spot that worked for me, I sighed and closed my eyes. I was so tired. The medication took a lot out of me, and Dr. Osmond had said the head injury would affect my stamina for a while, too. My body had shut down for almost twenty-four hours when the accident had happened.

  Fiona, Jackson had said her name was. I thought about the redhead that had stood next to my bed, looking like her world had ended. I tried my hardest to remember who she was, to find any kind of memory at all.

  I couldn’t. All I found was a headache. Slowly, everything faded until the blackness was back. It seemed to be my constant companion, now. I gave in and let myself drift off to a dreamless sleep.